*** RYAN TATE: Shocking secrets--revealed! ***





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Table set at Ferry Building (Jun. 6)

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Wednesday, January 15, 2003

With apologies to Anne ...

Reporting on very large home sales and sundry topics in San Francisco for dumbasses
  1. Do not arrive at the county assesors office without a precise lexical rendition of the type documents you are seeking.

  2. Do not under any circumstances attempt to glean information from the Information table in the assessors office. Instead, visit the front desk.

  3. Do not pay cash for a meal with a source, because if you do, you will need to ask the waiter for a receipt on the tip if you want to get reimbursed.

  4. Do not take an unfamiliar Muni line at night to a construction site that contains an important sign. You will not be able to read the sign due to poor light. You will have spent several hours at night, after working a long day, ona fruitless quest.

  5. Do not ask fellow Muni patrons how far along your stop is and then get off way to early when they make you worry you have gone too far. Ask the driver.

  6. If you get off too early, and you need to buy something to get change for a $20 so you can get back on the bus, do not buy Newsweek. It is now about $4.50 after tax, not at most $2.50, as one might expect.

  7. liDo take shortcuts marked "Private" in Pacific Heights, especially if you are tired after two Muni trips. The rich bastards can afford dogs or guards if they want to keep you out.

  8. Do not expect to learn to glean information from property records before deadline. You will need a few weeks to learn to decipher them, especially the first time.

  9. -Expect the great Chronicle-walloping story, the one you know various important newspaper editors will read, to drop in your lap in the same two-day period you owe a special section story, a column and two other news stories. That way, you can keep your own expectations low and avoid lectures about meeting deadline.

  10. -Deadline always trumps quality, no matter what Michael Keaton says in The Paper.

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