*** RYAN TATE: Shocking secrets--revealed! ***





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Anne and her Cheese Diaries





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Wednesday, May 28, 2003

The vending machine at work looks a little odd. It's about half the height of a regular soda machine, with a coin cylinder for each type of soda. You put in your four quarters, push the cylinder in, rotate it, and your Coke comes out inside a little holding area at the bottom of the machine. So a few months ago, I put in my coins, and rotated the cylinder, and nothing happened. So I rotated it back the other way, which would normally cause the cylinder to pop back out. But just before it reaches that point, it catches, and my Coke comes out. So I twist it back in the other direction until it stops, and then back again, so it will pop out, but instead another Coke comes out. I can tell because I hear the Coke barrelling from the top of the machine to the bottom. "Brrrrlllgh. Brrrrrlgh."

I pull out my Cokes, and then for kicks make a couple of more come out and put them in the office refrigerator. Later that day, before I go home, I make a whole bunch more come out, in case I want any the next few days. I feel a little guilty, but then, it's not like I could put in any money if I wanted to. Eventually the Cokes are exhausted and the machine isn't fixed until the vending guy comes to collect his money.

Over the next few weeks, I buy more Cokes, and can't get the free thing to work any more. Anne keeps asking if I have figured out the free Coke thing, thinking I'll bring some more home. Ummm, no.

Then today, I go to buy a Coke for my lunch, and lo and behold, it gets stuck in the magical position! So I keep turning back and forth. "Brrrlllgh. Brrrlllgh. Brrrlllgh. Brrrlllgh. Brrrlllgh. Brrrlllgh ...." I am turning like a madman while my coworker tries to talk to me, answering some question I asked about her weekend or somesuch. I really don't remember now. I was way distracted.

She's talking about Cota Rica or something, sounds interesting in retrospect, but really I had more important things on my mind, like acquiring for free a quantity of Cokes that would cost a whole $3 at Safeway.

And then I interrupt her with a gasp. "D'OH!!!" I have greedily acquired so many free Cokes that I can't get the trap door to the holding area open. There's no room to push it open, into the machine. I can get it open just enough to see easily a dozen free Cokes clogging up the Coke can vestibule.

It took a good couple of minutes to get the Cokes out. Eventually I was able to pull the door closed again, and rattle it a little, and get the Cokes to fall off from the door, and to the sides, and I get it open enough to start unloading it. Just as I have all 12 or so Coke cans arrayed on the floor around me, my coworker walks in. "Ryan ... just ask for a raise, for chrissake."


I'm sort of ashamed to read slashdot, but every now and then I'll come across a really funny post. I don't always know why I find a given post so funny.

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